Back Down
Last time I went back down to the river
Back down to the Old Dam
Where when the river is down and the rocks are out
They stretch almost all the way across
Thus the name, you see, no real dam there
But yeah so the last time I went
I thought to show it to my lover
That dear scene of my childhood summers
Those shallow rapids where I would cling
And hold my breath forever
While the rushing water made me feel
Like I was flying
Those brief islands of pale orange rock
Where I would be
The only kid on Earth!
(Unless my cousin was there)
Those muddy-water bathing holes
Soap-on-a-rope! Don’t forget to get
Behind the ears…
Those perfect little cat-fishing spots
I would share with my lover
But I made a grave error
Driving in on the long gravel road
And mentioned Jesus Christ to Amy
Amy is an atheist
“Do you think Christ is kind of an everyman,” I proposed
“Like we all go through the feast of friends, the betrayal,
“false accusation, unjust punishment, dire doubt,
“resurrection?” Something like that, I said
On the way down to the Old Dam
And she thought about it a quick minute
And then she started nay-saying
And she didn’t stop nay-saying
Until the Old Dam was in the rear-view mirror
And she hadn’t seen the rocks there bleaching in the sun
And she hadn’t laughed at my memories
And we had not made a new memory of that place
Except as the backdrop to a really very lucid exhortation
Against the concept of Christ as everyman
I do not believe that I once
Mentioned Jesus to Amy
Again thereafter
Though she’s gone now these many years
And I’ve not made it back down
To the river
Sullied your spot she did.😇
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ah, but my own fault methinks
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Possibly but still spoilt.😣
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Two things that jumped out at me as very effective were the repetition of the river/Old Dam throughout and the lack of punctuation at the end. It added to the feeling of resignation and disappointment and made the poem itself feel like a river flowing.
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Hey, appreciate the close reading! Thanks much for your comment.
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“While the rushing water made me feel like I was flying” put me right there in the moment. And I like how you described the moment the date went wrong by having them go past the old dam.
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Glad I could take you there!
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Wow! A lovely wee ditty! Seems like a song. A joy to read.
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Thank you!
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[…] to a word pair in my echo poem. Other pieces on the grid had some incredible passages: “And she hadn’t seen the rocks there bleaching in the sun/And she hadn’t laughed at my memories/A…” and the title “Echo from the End of the World” as well as “Making love […]
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[…] signed sealed & delivered.) 3. Been receiving some encouragement on the writing – a crowd fave at yeahwrite.me and a 1st place at GrammarGhoulPress, as well as many kind comments here and there. 4. Recently hit […]
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