Brain Review Submissions Wanted!

The brain in question, that of Eugene Uttley, is not, for starters, in a median zone on the spectrum of neurodiversity, due to the relatively low incidence of schizophrenia in the human population (~1/100). To give this brain a 5 out of 5 would be to skew notions of desirable performance beyond the pale.

Furthermore, this particular Sz brain is nigh on self-defeating, operating at often critically low levels of self-esteem, which is to say it suffers from a baseless seething self-loathing which finds vent in persistent auditory/cognitive hallucinations of contentious, critical ‘voices’.

This brain has a marked tendency to harbor delusions of having thoughts inserted into itself from without, and of broadcasting what received wisdom says stays within (i.e. thoughts) outwards to other brains.

I would not recommend anyone procure this brain for themselves, but its unique selling point is to do with words and games. It is a champion Scrabble player. It can juggle, and can drive like James Bond. Yes, this brain may, unmedicated, convince itself that it is saving the world from imminent disaster through telepathic powers untold, but it can work the hell out of a crossword puzzle, and can get along with just about anyone.

A fair review would be a 1 or a 2, but I’ll reach for 3 stars on this brain, because of its notable processing power. It performs well academically and plays well with others. This brain is generally beloved of animals and children. It knows both humility and how to cut a strut. It is apt at parsing and phrasing. Yes, Sz or no Sz, I’ll give it a 3.




Dealing with mental illness can be tough, laborious and lonely, but it doesn’t need to be. I want to know more about your brain.

So here we are.

It is the future and we now buy brains, just like you would by a car, make up or a TV. What do we do when we want to buy one of these things? We google them and read every review ever written for about 5 hours.

What you need to do.

You have been to the shop and you have bought your brain, or maybe you have even been gifted your brain. How marvellous – but now I want to know how you have been getting along with your brain. Write a review of your brain!

Have fun with it. Review it like you were reviewing a book or a TV or a movie, or anything you like. Some ideas of what to…

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      • Believe me, it takes Scrabble to a whole new realm. You get to see everybody else’s letters and there’s no secrecy. It’s a bit of a bundle, really.

        The idea came from my uncle – they’re the Cambridge types and reckon that getting under 700 is a poor game.

        My family settled on 500 as being good 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I’d love to better understand my children’s brains: what makes them tick?! Why do they like food one week and hate it eh next. How do they get distracted whilst getting dressed and end up naked but playing Sylvanians? Why do they resist sleep when they are exhausted? #RV&HT

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What an interesting idea! I think I might write mine privately, I don’t think I want the world to know what I think of my brain!



  3. I’d give mine a three. I have excellent spatial awareness and reasoning skills, but it also tells me all sorts of horrid things to believe and when unmedicated, fools me into believing I should maintain a buzzing level of alertness and worry!

    #RV&HT Thanks for linking up x


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