Brain Review Submissions Wanted!

The brain in question, that of Eugene Uttley, is not, for starters, in a median zone on the spectrum of neurodiversity, due to the relatively low incidence of schizophrenia in the human population (~1/100). To give this brain a 5 out of 5 would be to skew notions of desirable performance beyond the pale.

Furthermore, this particular Sz brain is nigh on self-defeating, operating at often critically low levels of self-esteem, which is to say it suffers from a baseless seething self-loathing which finds vent in persistent auditory/cognitive hallucinations of contentious, critical ‘voices’.

This brain has a marked tendency to harbor delusions of having thoughts inserted into itself from without, and of broadcasting what received wisdom says stays within (i.e. thoughts) outwards to other brains.

I would not recommend anyone procure this brain for themselves, but its unique selling point is to do with words and games. It is a champion Scrabble player. It can juggle, and can drive like James Bond. Yes, this brain may, unmedicated, convince itself that it is saving the world from imminent disaster through telepathic powers untold, but it can work the hell out of a crossword puzzle, and can get along with just about anyone.

A fair review would be a 1 or a 2, but I’ll reach for 3 stars on this brain, because of its notable processing power. It performs well academically and plays well with others. This brain is generally beloved of animals and children. It knows both humility and how to cut a strut. It is apt at parsing and phrasing. Yes, Sz or no Sz, I’ll give it a 3.